Tuesday, August 7, 2012

digging myself

i found a page on Facebook today, it's VictimToSurvivor...
it's about victim of Domestic Violence (KDRT)..
so it make me think about my ex..
i was think which stage of abusive he was..
n he almost few in all stages..
makes me think, wow, is he a real abuser?? or it's just becoz of his past making him so emotional n become abusive??
well, pity him anyway...

then i also realized, my ex hubby was also a soft abusive..
i mean he was never hit me or anything..
but he was abusive from his words..

so, with these experiences plus few harrasments, it makes me traumatic actually..
i never really feel comfort of going anywhere alone, day or nite..
i always suspicious when looking to strangers i met in the street or bus...
i always have this bad thinking scared that he will do harm to me, to every strangers men i met ooutside..
n sometimes i feel tired of feeling like that the whole time..
but i get traumatic, coz there was few times when i was feeling okay walking alone, suddenly there was a stranger harrass me.. damn!!!

n now, i really don't know how to make my feeling change if i walk alone..
like today when i went to the doctor..
i feel bad when walking n see my body..
even i'm fully clothes, there is a fear i might meet a bad guy who will try to harrass me..
i hate looking at my body n i hate i cannot cover my body so strangers won't see it..
i know i was wearing a shirt, still i was paranoid...

i dunno..
do i need a psychiatrist??

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