So....

so now i have to mend my broken heart...
and i can't say what i feel like sad or anything that she will know...

yeah i can...
of course i can...
i just need time...
but in that time, can't make her know my sadness...

Zero

everything is failed...
gone...
just a dream...
just imagination...

faded away...
to the nothingless...
am back to Zero...

and it's damn hurt...
but that's the risk..
that's the consequences...
from what i've chose...

now i just have to face it...
the pain...
the hollow...
the empty feeling...
the real pain...
proof that i'm alive...
that i'm human...

thx to my crazy friends at the office..
they were there when i shed tears...
they make me laugh with their silly jokes...
even my crazy manager...
so i feel not alone to face this...

sorry if the tears still falls sometimes...
yeah, healing needs time...

i've decide....

so, when i walked home last nite, i thinked...
lots of things...
but before last nite, it and other things already occured to my mind...
after so many things we've talked about...

i think n thinking...
finally, i get the answer...
the 1 that i'm looking for all this time...

yeah, i choose to be with woman forever...

and now i've found her...
i wanna be with her...
i'm sure of it...
why?
i don't know...
i'm just so sure about it...

and thank God that i know her...
even we know eachother not even a month...
but i feel like she's the one...
have u ever feel that way?

i don't wanna question it anymore whether it's right or wrong...
my heart only know that i wanna be with her...
that i'm ready to take a risk to be with her...

well, i know there are still so much things to set up and etcetra...
but the point is, i already choose her...
hopefully she thinks the same...
:)

gw penakut u/ melangkah yah???

kenapa ya gw ngerasa bodoh....
gw gak mau nyesel lagi...

is that true?
that i'm too afraid to take risk??

gw pernah kenal seseorang d internet...
she's a butch...
kenal, chat, sms, telponan...
udah enak lah, nyambung...
dia nembak, gw kebingungan...
krn blm pernah ketemu, takut aja...
n krn gw takut aja kalo gw trima, trus satu saat gak cocok n putus, brati dia bakal sakit hati gara2 gw...

akhirnya kita ketemuan...
tapi gw masih gak bisa kasih jawaban...
gw bilang kenalan dulu, blaa bla bla...

ketemu ke 2 x beberapa waktu kemudian...
hati gw mulai gak takut n mau nerima dia...
eh, dia mungkin mikir gw dah secara halus nolak x ya...
disaat gw siap terima dia, dia sudah nemu orang lain...

sedih...
gw berasa telat...
kebanyakan mikir...
takut ini itu...

n now it's almost happen again...
gw kenal seseorang...
dia bilang udah klik dari pertama x liat profil gw...
dan gw ngerasa gitu lagi...
pengennya ketemu dulu...
trus juga takut kalo nerima dia trus satu saat putus, brati dia sakit hati...

dia bilang itu aneh, krn biasanya orang mikir dirinya dulu baru mikir orang lain...
i dunno.....

tadi di jalan, pas gw jalan kaki pulang dari kawinan temen...
gw ngerasa sedih...
karena dia lagi sakit...
gw gak bisa kesana karena diluarkota..
n ada seseorang yg nemenin dia...
orang yg naksir dia...

dan gw langsung sedih, pengen nangis...
gw tau gimana ce care ke seseorang yg dsuka...
gw jadi takut, dia akan terenyuh...
gw takut penyesalan gw yg dulu terjadi lagi...

gw tau sejak gw kenal dia sampai sekarang belum 1 bulan...
tapi kira-kira 1 minggu ini, gw makin berasa deket ama dia...
betah ama dia...
seneng kalo ama dia, walau lewat telpon n sms...

what should i do...?
i don't wanna be late again n loosing her...

work.. work.. work..

been so long since my last post yah...
i'm so sorry, my friends...

recently i just realized that i'm a workaholic...
yeah, am too busy with my job..
even i worked till midnite almost everyday...
hehe... bandelna...
padahal gak ada lemburannya pula..
yah, gw sih cuma niat aja ngerjain hal2 itu, sekalian denger lagu deh... :P

sekarang dah mulai bosen lembur sih...
coz boss yg crewet na gak bolehin lembur...
kudu pulang kalo udah selesai jam kerja...

tapi yah gw masih dikit2 lembur sambil denger musik...
hehe...
cuman dah gak mpe malem banget ato nginep lagi...
iyah, jadi males nginep...
diskriminasi trhadap perempuan n queer sih...