me in 2012....

half a year already pasts in 2012..
and i haven't told much stories here..


so, let's have some stories..
in the end, i got broke up with my boyfriend..
first i dumped him coz he's having an affair and i realized i didn't wanna be in a triangle relationship..
secondly, still with the same person, we broke up coz i was a workaholic to avoided him coz after we got together again, i felt traumatic that he would do the same as before..
and also i felt being possessed by him n i just realized and became a rebellion..
so, finally i dumped him again..


maybe u all would think that i'm cruel, but u don't know how our relationship was..


anyway, after that 2 breakups, i realized there are some good in it..
since i sell the motorcycle we had, so with the money n my stupid reckless guts, i went out of town.. actually i end up went to my first son's place..
thank God, i could finally meet him after these few years..
he's a big boy now, 8 years old already...
and we went to a place so up high.. a village with beautiful views of river down..


and after i back to Jakarta, i tried to heal myself and looking for a new jobs..
coz when first breakup, i leave my job to show him that if i loose him, i'll lose everything include job n the motor..


so, not so long time, i got a new job.. as a personal assistant to the owner of a restaurant..
easy come, easy go?? hope not.. :)


after a month worked in new place, i get reunited with him.. he's begging me to be with me again, to fix everything we had..
i agreed n we live together again..
but then maybe i was okay of being lonely n get move on, so i begin to feel traumatic living with him again..
especially when he did the old habit..
so, i started to enjoy myself in the restaurant the whole day, came home late night n made him complains all the time..
untill 1 nite he called n asked me what time i'll be home, i said that i was still busy.. (it was 11:30 in the nite)
so, he said, we better breakups coz u love ur job more than u love me and he hung up the phone..
well, i think, okay as u wish, and i get back to work but he kept calling n texted me that nite.. so that was why we brokeup again for the second time...


like a crazy one, i didn't go home untill 4 nights just to avoid having fight with him after that call..
i just text him, okay i agree we broke up..


then he left the home and i was home alone again..
yeah, i felt relieved that i broke up with him, so i can be free..
thank God n my mom, now i have this new notebook from my own salary n lil help from my mom..


i'm trying to enjoy my life again..
but now i can't stop my workaholic..
besides, i have mountains of things to do awaits me everyday..
also, a reason i bought a notebook, so i can work some of things anywhere, even at home.. :)


but this evening, i got depressed realized how lonely i am...
i ususally live alone, till i rarely speaking or seeing anyone, just in my messy room with my radio, dvd, tv, books, cellphones, foods, cigarettes, coffee n now, notebook...
i love being alone n free to do anything...
but some part of me also need someone to feel comfort n cuddling with...