my emotion August 2012

i guess my life is empty..
but when i was in a relationship, its always ruined..
maybe i don't deserve one..
i'm kind a woman whose not suit for a relationship afterall..
but to be alone, even i feel free to do anything or go anywhere, i feel empty without someone i can cuddle to or have the shoulder to cry to..
i have my mom, but she's not living with me..
besides i don't used to cuddle with my mom also....

but i'm too tired of starting a new relationship...
to be open to new people...
n waiting whether she or he can accept me as an in between person or not..
whether she or he can accept all my negatives sides an attitudes...
whether i can accept all about her or him in good n bad..

i know, nobody's perfect..

but i learned something from my previous relationship, that i don't like being forced to be a perfect woman.. to be living with rules..
to follow my mate's wants..

i'm dreaming of relationship that i can feel comfort n be who i really am..
without any worries the whole day of whether my words were wrong, my movements were wrong, my dress were wrong becoz she or he doesn't like it...

i'm tired to have a hard life.. i wanna get rest...
what?? i should die to take a rest from this life i'm living in..?????

i shouldn't talk about death...
it's a pity of me... to beng depressed in front of the whole world..
but, hey, where else i can speak up???
if i speak to myself about my depression like i always do,
sometimes i'm afraid i could kill my self...
but sometimes, i don't like to talk about it to people coz some of them judge me or angry to me with what i'm thinking...

goshhhhh...
how am i suppose to live..???

earning in 2012

setelah nganggur dari akhir Oktober 2011, finally gw dapat kerja lagi...

di pertengahan Januari kemarin, gw di telpon kalo gw diterima di salah satu Club/Bar di Jakarta Selatan...
hari Selasa sore gw di telponnya..
dibilang kalau gw diterima n kalau mau, gw bisa mulai kerja keesokan harinya...
di hari Rabu nya, gw datang jam 6 sore..
interview ma Kepala Kasir nya n gw mau untuk mulai kerja malam itu juga...
jadi deh gw kerja...

thx God akhirnya gw dapat kerja di awal 2012...
semoga lancar n gw bisa betah n gak ada masalah yg bisa buat gw keluar...
amiiinnn...
:)

let's not give up..

i just can't live w/out u...
we're meant to be together...
please don't ever leave me how hard it will be...
we both not perfect human...
let's learn 2gether...

i will never give up on u..
eventhough it's a hard way to take n even i have to shed tears of blood, i'll be by your side no matter what..
maybe this is the way God wants me to be in the future..

U R My Soulmate

Tuhan, trima kasih Kau telah membawa dia masuk ke dalam hidupku..
aku begitu menyayangi dan mencintainya walau baginy q berlebihan..
saat ku jauh darinya, kumerasa sepi dan hampa, bagai sayur kurang garam..
bila kami tak bertengkar lalu berbaikan dan tertawa lagi, seperti ada yg kurang..
tertawa dan menangis bersamanya ataupun karena dia, menjadi sesuatu yg slalu kurindukan..
menggila bersamanya merupakan hal-hal terindah dalam hidupku..

Tuhan..
dia lah soulmate ku..
betapapun kucoba membencinya, rasa sayang dan cintaku tetap ada untuk dia..

Tuhan..
tolong jangan ambil dia dari hidupku..
kuingin bahagiakan dia..
kuingin melakukan smua dengan cinta dan sayangku untuknya..
kuingin melunakkan egoku dan egonya..

AF, aku gak pernah menyesal mengenalmu..
entah apa kamu merasakannya (selain melalui rasa cinta), tapi kamu adalah belahan jiwaku..

(29 des, kamis, 3:55)

Bersamamu...

Bersamamu...

bersamamu aku melakukan banyak hal yang belum pernah kulakukan sebeluumnya..
and it's such great things that we've done..
some are crazy.. :D

bersamamu aku belajar banyak hal..
belajar itu butuh waktu..
belajar tidak membuat kita bisa langsung jadi ahli..
seringkali harus mendapat banyak nilai merah sebelum akhirnya berhasil mencapai nilai terbaik..
bersamamu aku ingin terus belajar..

menemukanmu membuatku ingin berkomitmen walau seburuk apapun rintangannya di depan..
dan aku tak ingin menyerah..

bukankah ketika kita percaya bahwa kita bisa melakukannya, maka kita akan menemukan jalan menuju bisa itu??

AF, i love u...

(29 des, 13:33)