how weak i am....

yess...
that's another truth about myself...

weak dalam sisi fidik dan mental...
gw sering atau bahkan selalu berusaha menutupi dan takut mengakuinya...
but that's the truth...

terbukti hari ini gw ngikutin pelatihan test masuk karyawan baru...
it's like motivator training...
but more about mentality...
how we realized where are our weakness...

dan ya, gw sadar banget semua kelemahan2 itu ada di gw..
padahal seandainya mental gw gak selemah itu, gw pasti bisa menonjol...
tapi bahkan, tadi udah disuruh keluarin semuanya...
udah disuruh ngebuang image kenyamanan kita yang membuat kita sering menutup diri, tetep aja gw gak bisa all out...
tetep rasa takut gw lebih besar...
dan itu jadi tekanan gw...
dan in the end gw terus berkaa2...

walaupun for some points gw berhasil mengalahkan sedikit ketakutan gw...
tapi gw benci saat gw denger suara gw ngomong depan orang banyak, i heard my voice trembling hard...
maybe i should just ask them whether they heard tremble in my voice or not...

but really, thanks a lot to my gonna be new boss *maybe if i pass*..
for making this training...
so i can more open myself even just a little...

let's see what happen tomorrow..
for the last day training...

even now when i typed this, mata gw berkaca-kaca...
hhuuuufffttttt....

di depan 26 orang yang baru gw kenal, gw udah nangis 3x...
pasti mereka lihat lah...
is that showing that my mentality is so low...???

oke, besok deh terusin lagi...
enough crying... :)